Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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