I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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