that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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