Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can text with my tongue
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
