he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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