I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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