If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
