Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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