Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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