Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
