It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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