i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
