Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
