As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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