that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
