me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize