Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
