May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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