Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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