Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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