Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
