just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
