thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
