Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
