We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
