You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
this hospital has no fireball
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
