She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
