I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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