You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
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