He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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