What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
