Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
