Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
