I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
