We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
