People in love make me want to vomit
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
