i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
