i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
