Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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