I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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