Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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