I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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