The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
