I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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