fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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