If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
