I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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