i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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