just come out here and I will go home with you...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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