wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
