im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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