haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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