DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
