My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
