Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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