Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize