I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
