when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
