just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
