census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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