just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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