ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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