I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
