There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
