Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize