The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
