Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
