so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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