I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
