Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
