This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
