Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
