Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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