You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
