I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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