are you still at the devil's house?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
