Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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