im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
