No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
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That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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